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Highs & Lows

November 22nd | 2018

Ah man, here it goes. It's been six months since I've updated you guys on the blog. I'm so glad you've enjoyed the last couple of posts, I've had so many messages over on Twitter and Instagram saying that you're excited the blog and vlogs are back and that I'm back doing fashion type content. Reading comments like these are amazing and I often think how lucky I am to have such a supportive community online. I've being doing this for over 5 years now and the fact that you guys continue to follow along with my journey and stick with me even when I'm not pumping out content 24/7 really means a lot.

So, I've got a lot to fill you in on! To say the last six months have been stressful is an understatement. The reason things have been a bit quiet from me on social media is that I've been having to deal with quite a few things personally that's taken quite a bit of time to get through. I'm almost up and out the other side and I can't tell you how good that feels! Life can throw these crazy struggles at you from time to time and when you're in the thick of it, you feel like you're drowning and when you're just about to come up for air another weight gets added to your belt and you're under again. It's very hard to see a way out and it feels like you're never going to get through these low points. Going through a pretty rough time like this and to all of you out there that might be struggling like I was, trust me it gets easier, it's not going to happen over night but if you try to stay positive and take everyday as a step, you can get through it. If I can, you can too.

Being in this type of mental space you can imagine that thinking about being creative and being on camera is the last thing I wanted to be doing. It felt like someone took my mojo away from me. Now don't get me wrong, I can't tell you how fortunate I feel being in the position I am. I mean, I'm currently writing this post whilst out in Japan, riding the bullet train going 200mph (how crazy is that?!) on my way to Kyoto with Alexia. None of these types of opportunities would be happening without you guys following along and supporting my journey and don't think for one second that's not something I think about all the time. It's something I can't tell you how grateful I am for. I would rather be doing this than any other job but that doesn’t mean it doesn't come with it's pressures like all jobs do. Yes I'm lucky enough to not be tied to an office 9-5 Monday to Friday, but there are still so many stresses that come with doing this type of work. I'm not able to ask for time off, if I stop, everything stops. No one is going to do my job for me. So when I'm wanting to take time off to give myself some time to actually work on myself, it's very hard. It's like this machine that you're controlling and it's made up of lots of different factors. Adding to that there's the YouTube and Instagram algorithm which means if you post content less regularly or stop for a while, then your content will go out to less of your audience. So all of that hard work you've put in building these networks up, all of a sudden get's harder. It's all about momentum in this world and as soon as you stop turning the cogs it's very hard to get going again. It's pretty all consuming and I think that is definitely something I've struggled with.

Hopefully you guys will agree that I've never been someone that has played the social media game and since my first videos, my content has always stayed true to its roots. Obviously I'm always wanting to challenge myself creatively and to be constantly trying new things, so upping the production level and overall aesthetic has been a natural progression. However, I'm a pretty particular person and if something hasn't turned out the way I've envisioned it to be then I tend bin it instead of put it out there. Alexia read a quote to me the other month that has been playing on my mind ever since; "Strive for excellence, not perfection" I'm not sure if a quote could resonate more with me and it's something that I'm trying to remind myself of daily.

I'd like to consider myself as a creative, I mean the whole reason I started this blog was for a creative outlet and it was just something that I loved doing. But when you feel like these things that were fulfilling this part of you, aren't anymore, you start to question why you're actually doing it and it looses purpose in your life. That's why I had to take a break. I think the whole industry has completely changed over the last 5 years and with that comes a lot of good change and a lot of bad. Do I miss the days of running around with Louis and Ben on our Penny Boards feeling like we were part of this secret crew that no-one really knew about? Of course, they we literally some of the best years. I don't think YouTube will ever feel that cool again; but things progress and develop and that's ok too. I look back to the early days and have the best memories, but I also look at the now and think about everything that we've all achieved, which goes for everyone in this industry, it's amazing. It's literally kicked traditional media in the face and I love that. Of course I've been a little burnt by how now it's the thing to do and I'm not going to try and promote a fake lifestyle and maintain that everyday is the best day ever. I guess what I'm saying is I'm not here to compete with that. You do you, I'll do me and what 'me' is, is bringing you guys along with me on this journey and giving you an insight into the actual person I am and hopefully, we can connect in some way.

Thinking more about adversities of the last few months, I would say that most people would think of me as quite a chipper happy go lucky kinda guy. So I think when I'm not feeling like that person and not really feeling myself on the inside it's quite hard for me to express how I'm feeling on the outside. Learning more about myself as I get older I'm definitely quite a proud person, which I think I get from my Dad. I'm not one to ask for help and if I'm going through tough times, I just bottle it up and have the attitude of that's life and you've got to crack on and deal with it head on. It's the keeping up appearances which is so draining and a terrible way of dealing with problems. I've learnt that you have to talk about them and verbalising them, getting them out of your mind and talking to someone lifts an unbelievable weight. So I would encourage any of you that might be in a similar situation to talk to someone, whoever it might be: Mum, Dad, Brother, Sister, Auntie, Uncle, Friend, whoever you feel comfortable to listen to these things with you and from my personal experience it's the first step to properly overcoming them.

Overall I think people looking into what I do and who I am would have the perception that everything is going great and I have the best life, which is definitely not the case. And remember that social media is your perfectly curated feed of all the best bits of life. So that person you're following with the perfect feed that gives you wanderlust or sneaker envy, might actually be going through some shit too. So doing something like leaving an encouraging comment could literally make their day. Just think about that.

I think what the last six months has taught me is life is full of adversities and it's how you deal with these and work through them. Talk to people, don't bottle it up, it eats you up and it's not healthy. Life is amazing, remember to celebrate the little things, but also remember it isn't going to be peachy 24/7 and that's ok. Even if it might look like it from the perfectly curated social media feed and all of those people that you look up to, that maintain it, go through tough times too. We all do, we're all human.

Thanks for reading, thanks for understanding and thanks for changing my life for the better. I'm just a normal guy that always got told that I wouldn't amount to much. Things can change, you're not a victim of your environment, you get to pick the person you become. Remember that. I'm trying to.

I'm excited to have my mojo back.

Love you guys,

SB. x